Sometimes the easiest things turn out to be the hardest

This year, I made a promise to myself to go and get a pap smear done. I thought it would involve one doctor’s visit, a short time on the table where I would lay down and think of England and then it would be done. I should have know that with my freaky body nothing is as simple as it should be.

First doctor’s visit and it turns out that I am too early in my cycle to get it done. No worries, I make an appointment for a week later.

Today it was a week later and back I go to get the damn test done. I lay on the table and think of England, but there is problem. Way back when I was 20 and desperate to lose my virginity, I did something very stupid. I went and basically had a one night stand with a guy I didn’t love and barely really knew. Turns out my girly bits aren’t designed like everyone else’s instead I have a lovely piece of skin called a vaginal septum that divides the vagina into two up near the cervix. I have sex, it tears and I end up in the hospital having emergency surgery. Now I was under the impression that this miscellaneous piece of tissue was fully removed at the time of my surgery. But no, it wasn’t, it was just repaired. I still have this fucking piece of tissue there blocking my cervix and hence I can’t get a pap smear done.

So I am off to see a specialist over at RPA to see if either they can get the pap smear done with their fancy equipment, they will decide that I don’t need a pap smear or they will do surgery to finally remove this unwanted tissue and then go ahead and do the pap smear.

It does explain why attempting to wear a tampon is the most painful experience ever though. It is also a jolly good thing that I am not attempting to have heterosexual sex or have children cause neither of those things would occur without a fair bit of pain, lots of bleeding and more surgery.

I am totally pissed off the the damn septum wasn’t actually fully removed in the first place. Not only did I not get a blood transfusion after hemorrhaging for 8 hours and then spent the next eight months destroying my immune system whilst I tried to get rid of the staph infection I picked up from the hospital, but now it turns out they fucked up the surgery as well. Trust me when I say that I am not eager to undergo the whole experience a second time (although the two days on morphine were mighty fine).

Now I am off to do battle with the public health care system to get in to see the specialist and we will see where things go from here.

I did learn something interesting today though -if you are exclusively lesbian ie never ever have had sex with a man, you do not need a pap smear. Therefore, if I wasn’t such an idiot 12 years ago, I wouldn’t be in this situation. I would still have that damn piece of unwanted tissue though.



Filed under life

13 responses to “Sometimes the easiest things turn out to be the hardest

  1. tiggymooshoo

    Bloody incompetance of some hospital professionalists!
    Hope it gets sorted soon for you.

  2. Geeeeeezzz – I thought 2 lots of laser surgery were bad enough!! To go through all that and still not have it done properly really sucks. I hope this time round is handled professionally!! Good luck 🙂

  3. Tiggy – Yeah I am not happy with them at all.

  4. Boneblower – Laser surgery?? That does not sound like fun at all. Who knows if I will need surgery or if I will go through with it if given a choice. I will just have to wait to see what the specialist recommends.

  5. How completely stupid not to remove the bloody thing in the first place ?!
    Ask about possible pre-surgery antibiotics to prevent any infections, after your last experience and most hospitals track records.
    Fingers and legs crossed for you !

  6. What a pain, after all the build-up to the pap smear (and us all hassling you about it). Hopefully you can sort it out without surgery or at least with minimal pain and problems.

  7. Grrrr…. sympathy, darl *hug* I’d be ropable too. I hope it all works out OK – at least you’ll keep us updated, eh?

  8. Geez Louis. And we all told you it would be easy. Well, the pap smear will be, WHEN you get it. Cripes. Sorry to hear of these difficulties, but we’re all thinking of you.

  9. Thank you all for getting grumpy at the non-removal of my unwanted girly tissue bits. I am still am yet to make an appointment with the specialists – I’m a bit scared to, but I will endeavour to do so this week.

  10. *boggle* I was told that even nuns have to get pap smears….

    I feel bad for bullying you into it.

    And babe, I have some rather colourful words for what you have been through. You know me well enough to be able to fill in the blanks.

    Sending you a huge warm cyber cuddle.

  11. Kelley – The doctor told me in one breath that lesbians don’t need to have a pap smear and in the other breath that every single woman should have one done at age 35. I am guessing that the health department really hasn’t worked out a strict guideline for women who don’t have heterosexual sex.
    Thanks for your implied colourful words and cyber cuddles 🙂

  12. You are welcome. Anytime 🙂

  13. Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

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